Malstrom’s bizarre world: Anime is evil!

One of Malstrom’s big claims to fame, and one of the main reasons that he still has a following today, is that he was one of the very few analysts to predict that the Wii was going to be a massive success. He refers to that constantly throughout his blog,  generally when he wants to refer to how worthless game journos are.

However, I’m finding more and more as I read through his day to day updates that Malstrom’s predictions go all over the place. One post will talk about how Breath of the Wild is the COOLEST THING EVER and the next will talk about how it can’t possibly compete with Skyrim.

In short, I feel as if his predictions are no different than any other analyst. He just spouts doom and gloom until Nintendo does something that he thinks the public will like. So that brings us to his most recent claim about why Nintendo is not popular anymore…because it’s too anime!

Anime, the ‘apple of culture’ from the Japanese Tree, swings and dances to the tune of consumers wanting to be ‘more cultured’ and Japanese makers wishing to ‘export culture’. The problem is that anime is poison. The entire culture of Japan is rejected left and right by all places of fertility. Japan has no fertility, no births, just a dying nation, males who refuse to be men and females who refuse to be women. It is great offense to nature itself. There is a reason why you see fertile consumers react with horror to anime while the infertile ones, the Otaku and Bronies and all, are attracted to it.

“This is ridiculous!” cries the reader.

You got that right.

What everyone needs to come to grips with is that Nintendo IPs are not a celebration of Japanese culture but of Western culture… something Miyamoto and others are very quick to try to deny (but too late! Old interviews reveal it to be the truth).

Donkey Kong- King Kong, a Western movie.

Mario- Plumber from Brooklyn. Blue-Collar Worker. Mario is the ‘every man’, almost the opposite of a super-hero. Instead of a superhero in the real world, Mario is the normal blue-collar worker in a fantastical world. What is this fantastical world? The Mushroom Kingdom is Alice in Wonderland.

Zelda- Based on Western RPGs which were based on Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, a Western work based off of Western mythologies (which may or may not have parallels to Eastern mythology). A guy with a sword and shield, in celtic wonderland, trying to save the princess. We clearly know this. Zelda 2, which Nintendo intensely hates, is a celebration of the Sleeping Beauty western myth theme. Ocarina of Time, the idea of going back and forward in time, is a Western concept. In Western civilization, time is linear. Outside the West, it is more circular.

Metroid- Based off of the movie Alien and Aliens. Android in a Metro. Metroid.

Leave it to Malstrom to take facts and twist them to mean something they don’t.

Nintendo games become massive hits in the West only when they are devoid of their Japanese culture. The more Japanese culture that is in it, the worse the Nintendo game does. Cell-shaded Zelda. Metroid Other M. Anime galore.

Is that why Splatoon was a huge hit here while Codename S.T.E.A.M bombed? Oh wait, I forgot you don’t care about anything made after ’91.

Again, I have to point out just how insane Malstrom’s world view is. Does he really think women have an innate hatred of people who like anime? I can tell you from experience that that isn’t true at all.



One thought on “Malstrom’s bizarre world: Anime is evil!”

  1. Nintendo IPs are not a celebration of Japanese culture? Pokémon says hi, Malstrom.

    Everything else in Malstrom’s comments come off as “those crazy Japanese, AMIRITE?” xenophobia that wouldn’t be out of place in the Reagan & Bush Sr. eras. Not easy to have a conversation when that camp is around.


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